What is in your hands?

Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might.Ecclesiastes 9:10

I’d like to share with you two snippets of wisdom that were extremely helpful to me when my house was full of children. They became a pattern of my life that is oh so helpful now that the house is empty. One is silly but it works. One is harder but it is transformative. 

1. If you can’t find something, start cleaning.

With six children in the house and a husband who makes piles of everything everywhere, we were always losing something. I have a pretty good mind for details. My kids assumed I knew where everything was. Rather than looking for something themselves, they would ask me, “Mom, where is my . . . ?” 

Maybe I did them a disservice by not making them find it. Maybe they would not have lost things so many times if they were resting in my super skill.

But sometimes it was just easier. And I would always “get back at them” when an item couldn’t be found. “Can’t find it? Start cleaning! Child #1 sort through the mudroom. Child  #2 put all the toys in the correct boxes. Child #3 Go clean out the car. . .  “ and on and on. 

And guess what? We eventually found whatever was missing.

Now that I am losing things at a rate that is a bit discouraging - “I know I just laid that down somewhere?”  - the practice of cleaning instead of stewing is helpful. How did I find the box of hanging nails that I had just been using the other day? I cleaned the guest bathroom, and they were uncovered under the hand towel. I realized then how they got there, but that doesn’t matter any more. They are found and the frame is hung. Because both Steve and I are losing things more often, (and there is a wisdom lesson I am learning in the importance of routine) our home is bound to be much cleaner. 

2. When you don’t know what to do, Do the Next Thing 

I can not tell you how many times this has kept me from self pity, tears, brain fog, or anxiety. 

I have many times been overwhelmed with a task to the point of being almost frozen to action. In the end, I am surprised at how simple it was when it was begun and undertaken in little pieces.

Have you ever walked into your house and it seemed everywhere you looked was a mess? What do you do? Sit down and cry? Call your husband and tell him you need a maid? Get back in the car and go shopping?

Or clean off the one counter in the kitchen and go from there?

So it can be with any enormous task that stands before you. 

Many moms bear a heavy burden of raising godly, wise, capable, healthy children. It is a life-long task. Where does one begin? It might be as simple as changing a diaper, reading a book, listening to a story or making a meal. All the truths you want to teach them can not be taught in a day. It’s a little bit every day.  “Line upon line, precept upon precept.” Don’t fail to teach because the task is so large. Don’t wait for strength and wisdom to accomplish the whole task - do the little thing that is in front of you. 

Or maybe you wish there was an enormous task in front of you. You wish you had something big and important or significant to do. Perhaps the smallness of what is in front of you has made you discontented.  Are you not doing what you should do because you can’t do what you want to do?

We are surrounded by social media influencers (who came up with that title?) who look like they’ve got it all together. I’m old enough (this blog post is about gray haired wisdom) to wonder what the next generations will say about all of the women who had big followings on-line but perhaps never connected with those immediately around her? My expectation is that this phase will be course corrected and we will get back to prioritizing incarnational communities.

That said, I have a small following. I am thankful for this way of sharing with many I have never met the lessons the Lord has taught me, and I love it when I hear they have helped another in her walk of faith. And am ever so thankful God did not open these doors until my hair was gray!  

That said, we also all have different sizes of band width. Different gifts and areas of influence. Let God decide what and where and when He will use you. Philosophizing about life, your talents, your dreams, what you think you should be doing rather than what is being asked of you, is a form of wilful disobedience. For now - do the next thing in front of you - be it ever so small. It is in obedience to doing the next thing that God opens up the next thing after that.

“One who is faithful in very little is also faithful in much, 

and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.”  

Luke 16:10

Anxiety is a shadow that hovers over most women. Letting our minds wander in circles thinking of the “what if’s” and “maybes” does not quiet our hearts. Only God can. And He often does so as we go about doing the next thing that He asked us to do. There is a concrete connection between inactivity and anxiety. Keeping my hands busy often gives my mind something real to think about while unrealities fade from my thinking. 

This is such an important truth to learn when your hands are full and it is usually pretty easy to think of the next thing to do. As one ages and responsibilities and abilities shrink, those that have learned this practice can find the next thing to do no matter how simple. 

Let me end with a story.

Two decades ago, (I am an older woman!) Steve asked me to go with him to a pastor’s conference in another state. Any mom will tell you there is so much work to do to pull that off. We ended up arranging for Aunt Connie to come to take care of the child care needs. I made plans. I put meals in the freezer. Arranged all the transportation to and from all the children’s activities. Wrote out a basic schedule.

And then, Luke was up all night for two nights before we were to leave. Pneumonia. Hurried doctor visits and prescriptions. We sadly called Connie and told her not​​ to come. I wasn’t going.

Well, some folks found out about our change of plans on Sunday morning. When Steve came home from church he had the names of dear people who volunteered to care for our kids, including Luke. Steve thought we should be able to pack and leave in an hour!

What did I do? I laid down on my bed and cried. I was overwhelmed with the exhaustion and emotion of caring for a sick child, of planning and organizing for a week away, of canceling all the plans and experiencing disappointment. Having everything quickly changed back to the first plan - only totally different - was too much for me. 

I could have laid there for hours. I knew what the right thing to do was. But how does one change from a weeping wife to a carefree companion? From years of practice, the emotional and mental muscle memory came to the forefront and I asked myself, “What is the next thing I have to do?”  I got up and started packing.

We had a great time, and all the kids survived heapingly well. 

Give her the fruit of her hands

And let her works praise her in the gates.

Prov. 31:31