
Yesterday I spoke at a friend's baby shower. She is a first time mom a month away from her due date. I asked her to think with me about this verse:
So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12
You can read along what I shared with her.
You are nearing the end of your pregnancy.
In the beginning you counted months, then weeks and soon you will be counting days. Then will come the realization that, “Today is the day!”
Pregnancies force us to count down.
And by doing so funnel our thoughts to one day, one moment.
Similar to how planning for a wedding day can obscure the reality of the years of marriage that will follow, planning for a birth can obscure the reality that a child will join your life.
I remember when Steve and I brought Derek, our first born, home. He slept in the car on the ride home from the hospital. We brought him in the house and laid him down still asleep in the crib. Then we looked at each other and asked, “Now what?” Derek turned 37 a month ago. We could never have known in that moment of looking at him sleeping in the crib all the “Now What?s” that were to come.
This morning, for a moment, I’d like us to think about the years of those “Now What?'s” I’d like to help you lift your eyes beyond the birth of baby boy. To get a bigger perspective.
To number your days.To get a wiser perspective.
Let’s think for a while about the years baby boy will be in your home and under your care.
Do you know how long animals stay with their mothers?
In the animal kingdom, most mothers stay with their newborns for one to two years.
Snake babies are on their own from birth.
Baby harp seals get twelve days.
Elephants stick around for six years!
And then there is the human being.
When does a human child reach the age of maturity?
The Jewish Talmud states a son reaches maturity at 18 years of age.
During the Roman Empire, son was considered fully mature at 30.
Sons in Medieval England were sent away from home, fully mature(?) between 7-14!
At this point in history, we generally think it takes eighteen years to prepare a child to live on their own - and at that age they may still be bringing home laundry, emptying the refrigerator, on their parent’s cell phone plan and using their Netflix password.
It takes a long time to raise an adult human.
But not your whole life.
If you are to get a heart of wisdom, you need to number the days of your child's life in your home.
Imagine a timeline like this:
__________I Parenting Years I____________________
20-30 yrs 20-30 yrs 30-40 yrs
The middle section - the parenting years- may be only ⅓ your life!
For many, it is only ¼ of a life!
It is helpful (a wise thing) to ponder that if you live to be eighty, you will probably relate to your child at least twice as long as an adult child than you did as a child at home.
On a Side Note: If this is true, and mathematically it is correct,
Why does it feel like raising little ones takes forever?
I well remember many days when I would look at the clock
feeling like it must be time to get lunch and realize
it was only 9:00 in the morning!
It is said that years go by like days,
but days go by like years.
It was on those never ending days that I learned to pray
the line from Great is Thy Faithfulness.
“Lord, Give me Strength for today and hope for tomorrow.”
But years do fly by like days - - - and one day we won’t remember all the little details.
My third grandson lost his first tooth this week.
According to his mom, the night before “it was hanging by a hair and there was great sorrow and wringing of garments and wailing and refusal to twist it…..but he woke in the morning and it popped out and he was so proud.”
Losing the first tooth is a big deal.
Even so I can not remember one detail about this event in any of my six kids’ lives.
Not one detail.
The years fly by like days. That ⅓ of my life is a far off memory.
That's why we need to number our days.
If we think of a life in the context of a play,
parenting is the Second Act of the Three Acts of our lives.
Act one sets the scene, introduces the characters.
Consider this as birth to young adulthood.
Act three is the final test and resolution. All that has been learned comes to fruitfulness. This can be likened to the years after children have left the home.
Act two is where the focus is on the main character’s pursuit of a goal and the obstacles she must overcome along the way, as well as her own inner transformation.
Act Two sounds a lot like parenting to me.
You, friend, are just beginning Act Two.
I’d like to give you two things to remember that I hope will make you a wiser actress.
Remember:
You are not the star of the play.
You have been given a great role to play. Take seriously that role. Study for it carefully.
Be “in” each moment. Heart and soul. Live your part.
But remember - You didn’t write this play. You’re Only a one character in it. And you're not on many pages of the script.
It’s not all about you!
(It’s also not all about your children!)
The star of the play is the author’s son! To them goes all the glory.
Keep rehearsing the big story of which you are a small part.
When you are immersed in small things - Feedings, and changing and sleepings -
you need to take moments to remember the BIG things.
The story of Creation - Fall - Redemption
Keep in mind the end of the play - the Glory of God over everything.
Do you remember the last words of the last book in the Chronicles of Narnia?
. . . the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after.
But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.”
Your life as a mother of children at home is not the whole story.
Mothering is the only job where if done well under normal circumstances a woman works herself out of a job. But you will never cease to be a worshiper.
-Only one day, you’ll worship without taint of sin. Glory! -
Make worshiping and learning to worship a priority.
God has written every line of every page of every day that you and your children will live.
Trust Him.
He who began a good work in you will complete it. As you turn pages in the script, don’t panic. The author knows what he is writing.
“Our pilgrimage on earth cannot be exempt from trial. We progress by means of trial. No-one knows himself except through trial, or receives a crown, except after victory, or strives, except against an enemy or temptations.” Augustine
Each child, with their specific temperaments and challenges, is chosen specifically for you with the view of your transformation. God will use the long days and wakeful nights of parenting to produce in you a beauty that would otherwise never be possible.
Trust Him.
In the same way, you were specifically chosen to mother the children God gives you.
You are the best option for them. Not the perfect option. But through you, your strengths and failings, God will work in your children that which could not have been done any other way.
God’s plan for my children’s sanctification included living with an imperfect parent.
This is not a license to parent irresponsibly. It is an assurance that faithful parents who are also sinners can rest in the fact that God is parenting their children. Putting confidence in your ability to determine the outcome of your children’s life and wellbeing is pitiful and foolish and an offense to the character of God. Don’t believe it all depends on you.
Trust Him.
To review, You are not the author of the play. God is. And he can be trusted with the script.