_edited_p.png)
In Pilgrim's Progress, Christian's crossing over the River Jordan is a metaphor of death. This idea was picked up by Samuel Stennett in his hymn, "On Jordan's Stormy Banks." For the last two months, I have been doing my best to help my mother-in-law take her last steps into heaven. The crossing was hard. Thankfully it was not long. For her, all the winds and waves have been forgotten. I am interrupting the series I have been posting about Opening Your Hands. I'd like to share some of what I learned spending long hours in a small room with a small woman in a hospital bed. The world shrunk. Time stood still. I wrote a letter to my children that I don't expect they will see until they are watching over me in a similar way that I have done for Phyllis. I wanted to help them in those days. I will probably edit and revise this if I am given many more years to grow old and ponder the reality of death. So, here are just my initial thoughts.
Dear Children,
I love you even if I can’t say it or seem to be saying the opposite.
I know you love me. Really I do
Please do not be afraid to tell me that I am dying
This affliction is slight and momentary compared to the weight of glory ahead of me
My body and mind are decaying. God’s Spirit is still communicating to me in my soul
I can hear you - tell me the stories of Jesus
Read to me my promises
I will want to listen to Psalms, Luke, John, Colossians, Hebrews, Revelation
I will be able to focus on music. Play hymns and songs of truth for me. Sing!
Give me the drugs the doctors think best for me - for anxiety, restlessness, pain.
I would love to sleep soundly if possible and as must as possible- I’ve never been adventurous. You don’t have to do exploits for me or make me do them
Assure me you are going to walk with Jesus
Assure me you are going to take good care of Dad
Don’t argue over my care - you will all grieve differently and have different ideas. I know you all want what is best for me. I want you to all be friends when I am gone.
Don’t argue over my things - things will last for so little. Eternity is forever. I’ll try to be specific about a few things. Do not be afraid to ask me for some special item that you want from me - it will make me happy. Otherwise it is a 6 way vote on where things go. I have already prayed for grace and generosity for each of you.
Forgive me for my failures. I will know them all soon enough and will know the cost of forgiveness and will be forever thankful to my Savior.
Forgive each other. Make it easy for each other - confess to one another. Ask yourself: Was I greedy? Insensitive? Bossy? Needy? Controlling? Self-focused?
There is grace enough for all of us.
Tell me it’s ok to go.
Know that when I am absent from this body - I will be present with the Lord
I realize there could be many “Why?’s” in my passing,
Why did it happen so suddenly, or why did it take so long?
Why was there so much pain or so much confusion? Why did her personality change?
There is only one answer to all “Why” questions - “For His Own Glory.”
Now, how God intends to be glorified through pain and confusion and timing is another question. And there are some things we will not know this side of heaven. I will see heaven soon and would love to tell you how great God’s glory is. How good. How beautiful. How perfect. How worth it all it is. I will be living by sight. You must continue to live by faith. But you can know now that God works all things together for your good. All Things. For your Good. He loves you more than I do - and I love you as much as I possibly can!