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This is the fourth chapter in the series on Opening Your Hands - The Art of Letting Go. In this blog we will talk about how children make very poor idols - no matter how much one sacrifices to them, the reward is not satisfactory. A mother who worships her children ends up demanding what she believes she has earned. The child is angered; the mother is disappointed. Only God is worthy of our worship, and we were made to worship him.
I trust that you will be rewarded for the effort of reading. Take time to work through the questions at the end, slowly reading and pondering the truth in the verses. God's word will comfort and correct.
And Please read through to The Mother's Prayer at the end. Perhaps the pouring out of my heart to the Lord will help you to put into words the cry of your heart.
“An idol is anything more important to you than God.
Anything that absorbs your heart and imagination more than God.
Anything you seek to give you what only God can give.
Anything that is so central and essential to your life, that should lose it,
your life would feel hardly worth living.”
Timothy Keller
“He loves Thee too little who loves anything together with Thee
which he loves not for Thy sake.”
Augustine
Your Creator has given you a purpose that is greater than any other endeavor, passion, ambition, or dream you could invent or envision on your own. A purpose that encompasses all the details of life now and forever. A purpose that will not lead to insecurity and anxiety and burdens. You were not made to feel awesome about yourself or any other person. You were made to make much of God. To glorify Him. To put the spotlight on Him. To reflect His character to the world. Simply put, you were made to worship God.
Worship is so much more than singing praise songs on Sunday morning. Praise is the response of the orientation of one’s heart. Worship begins in a mind that rightly judges God as Wondrous Creator and Glorious Sovereign over all. And rejoices that he is! Every morning a worshiper awakes to find new mercies that awaken new songs.
Oh sing to the Lord a new song;
sing to the Lord, all the earth!
Sing to the Lord, bless his name;
tell of his salvation from day to day.
Declare his glory among the nations,
his marvelous works among all the peoples!
For great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised;
he is to be feared above all gods.
For all the gods of the peoples are worthless idols, but the Lord made the heavens.
Splendor and majesty are before him;
strength and beauty are in his sanctuary.
Ascribe to the Lord, O families of the peoples,
ascribe to the Lord glory and strength!
Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name;
bring an offering, and come into his courts!
Worship the Lord in the splendor of holiness;
tremble before him, all the earth!
Say among the nations, “The Lord reigns!
Yes, the world is established; it shall never be moved;
he will judge the peoples with equity.”
Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice;
let the sea roar, and all that fills it;
let the field exult, and everything in it!
Then shall all the trees of the forest sing for joy
before the Lord, for he comes, for he comes to judge the earth.He will judge the world in righteousness,
and the peoples in his faithfulness.
Psalm 96
Worshiping God means that I have to stop worshiping myself. Give up my self-reliance. My indepence. My assumed right to “have it my way.” My fallen self does not like this idea. In the day to day physical realities and events of life, worshiping God who we have not seen and can not control is hard and distasteful. It requires sacrifices we are not willing to give. I want to be the supreme ruler of my kingdom no matter how small it may be. I want to make the rules, enforce them and punish those who break them. I expect anyone who comes into my kingdom to make me happy.
If self-worship is not giving me all that I hoped for, I may look to other things or people to worship that will still give me some kind of control or some sense of fulfillment. This worship is not submission, but a contract. I want to believe that if I make the correct sacrifice, the idol will give me happiness.
This has been true throughout history.
Idol worship is rebellion against God’s rule. It is the desire to maintain control over one's life. This is true when we imagine the Greek idol worshiper who put red and yellow flowers or wheat stalks and corn in baskets in front of the image of Demeter in hopes of an abundant harvest. The worshiper would provide the correct sacrifice. Demeter would come through with an exceptional crop. Everyone would be happy.
Our idols today do not sit in marble temples.
We may worship the god of physical fitness. If we sacrifice our time, energy and taste buds to do the right work out and eat the right food, our idol is supposed to give us health and a long life. We may worship the god of sports if we invest time, energy, and money while sacrificing family and friends to get the “W”. We may worship the god of education. If we sacrifice four years investing huge amounts of money to get a college education, our idol is supposed to give us a three figure salary. We believe that happiness is found in making the right sacrifice to the right idol.
For many mothers, they make idols of their children.
A child is right in front of you. An extension of yourself. We can see this child. Their lives begin with our ultimate control over what they eat and wear, what they do and where they go. We naturally pour our time, energy, money, affection into them. A mother must sacrifice much to be a mother. For nine months as she carries the child who is growing in her womb she sacrifices sleep and comfort to an extraordinary level. She sacrifices her enjoyment of foods and drinks. She sacrifices the shape of her body. She sacrifices her energy. She gives her life for the child multiple times over the period of nine months. Again she lays down her life for the child to give birth to the child. For months or years she will feel the effects in her body. Once the child is born, there are days and nights and then years of continued sacrifice. Physical. Financial. Emotional. Mental. These sacrifices necessarily come with the new responsibility.
However, when a good thing - motherhood- becomes the ultimate thing, we become idolaters.
An idolater-mother sacrifices with the expectation that she will receive favorable results from her sacrifice. Somewhere along the way she begins to expect that in return for her sacrifices her child will appreciate her, honor her, make her feel valuable and fulfilled, whole and complete. She thinks she will find meaning for herself in her child. She has done her religious duty and now demands results. She wants a pay back. She wants the child to make her happy, to make her look good. However, she will eventually find out that children make for poor idols. They do not come through for us. They can not.
Even though we have plenty of examples around us of disappointed parents, parents deeply wounded by their child’s disregard and foolish lifestyles, we still think those examples are the exceptions. We accuse parents of not making the correct sacrifices. We are sure that our children will reward us. Isn’t that what we have been led to believe? Isn’t that my right? Haven’t I earned this?
Sadly, no.
The worship of idols always disappoints. “For all the gods of the peoples are worthless idols.” (Ps. 96:5). No idol of wood or stone or flesh and blood can be for you what God is. No thing. No one. “He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God.” (Ps. 62:6,7).
Is it not true that you cannot even articulate with any precision your soul’s deep longings? How is it possible for any one person to fulfill them?
Your children, no matter how well they turn out, will not satisfy the longing of your soul because they can not. No one, but the triune God can carry the weight of our hopes. No one else can be fully relied on for help and guidance. He alone is the source of life. He alone controls all things. He alone knows what it takes for a human to flourish. He alone loves you purely. He alone is deserving of your devotion and praise. He loves us so fiercely he will not let us worship anyone but the one who in worshiping we will become all we were meant to be.
Worship of any one else is insanity.
Worship is understanding the worth of someone. Worshiping God is treasuring God above all else. This requires that I know him. That I spend time learning about his character, his word, his ways. Alongside any book on child rearing, a mother would benefit from reading books that lift her thoughts to and warm her affections for God. Perhaps basic preparation for raising children should include a reading of Knowing God, by J.I Packer or Seeing and Savoring Christ, by John Piper, or The Man Christ Jesus, by Bruce Ware. Perhaps we have spent too much time on the Ten Practical Tips for Parents and need a deep dive into The Holiness of God, by R. J. Sproul.
Dear Mother, have you seen how great and good and awesome God is? Has he captured your imagination and heart? Have you judged his value to be of infinite worth? Does your heart long to be with him more than anywhere else?
Worship will involve sacrifice. It always has. We will always give of ourselves, our time and our resources to what we value and treasure. Worship of God will involve sacrifices. We will desire to both praise him and please him. “Let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name. Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.” (Heb. 13:15,16)
But there is a huge difference between worshiping the God of the Bible and the worship of any other god or idol. The difference is rooted in one's motivation for sacrifice. A christian does not serve God in order to earn favor or escape judgment. Christianity is the only religion where sacrifices are a natural response of gratitude and a radical change of heart.
That radical change of heart means I no longer view myself as the master of my kingdom, controller of my destiny, or supreme dictator of what I hold on to and what I let go of. Because my heart has been captivated by truth and beauty outside of myself, I acquiesce to God’s reign over all the details of my life. Can you say with Paul, “For me to live is Christ” and, “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord?” (Phil. 1:21; 3:8a).
When I worship God as Creator I marvel at the wonders he has made from far flung galaxies to intricately woven strands of DNA. As a created being, my worship includes accepting the limitations of my finiteness and yet striving to reflect His image in me. I do not demand to understand everything. I am content to fill the spot in space and time where He has placed me.
When I worship God as King I submit to his rule. I accept the responsibilities he has given me and long to please him with my service. I do not demand to have my own way. I am comforted by His protection and provision and eagerly await His kingdom here on earth.
When I worship God as Savior I love Him because He first loved me. I am confronted with my rebellion and his mercy. I am amazed at the price he paid for my redemption. I do not minimize his grace by attempting to earn his favor. I rejoice at the transformation He has begun in me and will complete.
In worshiping God, I accept from him my role as a steward. For a while, twenty to thirty years for many of us, we worshiped and served God in part by loving our toddlers and teens. The only thing that changes when our children become adults is that now we will worship God in part by loving adult children. This perspective changes everything. A worshiper who trusts her master’s heart and will doesn’t have to be threatened by change. There will be adjustments, yes. Big ones. But the overarching purpose of her life is fixed. Her identity is rooted in belonging to God. Her life is one of worship in service and song.
She can open her hands, and let her children go.
P. S. Who knew that a man who had been single for most of his life and never had any children could write with so much insight about the idolatrous love of a mother? For your instruction, I quote here extensively from C.S. Lewis in The Great Divorce.
“But there’s no such thing as being only a Mother. You exist as Michael’s Mother only because you first existed as God’s creature. That relationship is older and closer . . . . He (God) wanted your merely instinctive love for your child . . . to turn into something better . . . You can not love a fellow creature fully till you love God . . .
“No natural feelings are high or low, holy or unholy in themselves. They are all holy when God’s hand is on the rein. They all go bad when they set up on their own and make themselves false gods. . . .
“There is something in natural affection which will lead it on to eternal love more easily than natural appetite could be led on. But there's also something in it which makes it easier to stop at the natural level and mistake it for the heavenly. Brass is mistaken for gold more easily than clay is. And if it finally refuses conversion, its corruption will be worse than the corruption of what you call the lower passions.”
Thoughts to Ponder
And God spoke all these words, saying, “I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. “You shall have no other gods before me. Exodus 20:1,2 For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. 1 Thes. 5:9,10 For my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water. Jer. 2:13 1. Why does God demand we worship him alone?
2. What is the folly of worshipping anyone else? Will seeking affirmation or appreciation from your children ever truly satisfy you?
3. How would you know if you have made idols out of your children?
“Worthy are you, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they existed and were created.”
Rev. 4:11
“Worthy are you to take the scroll and to open its seals, for you were slain, and by your blood you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation, and you have made them a kingdom and priests to our God, and they shall reign on the earth.” Revelation 5:9–10
3. Why is God worthy of your worship?
4. What could you do to deepen your treasuring of him?
Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Cor. 10:31
5. How can you make much of who God is in this season of your life?
A Mother’s Prayer
Oh Great God of highest heaven,
You have numbered all the solar systems. The planets move on orbits you designed. You have given every star a name. You hold the winds in your hands. The seasons change at your command. You created sea creatures humankind will never see. You cause flowers to grow in areas humankind will never reach. You designed the human body with intricacies that can not be matched. You filled our world with delights of beauty, and taste and smell and sound and touch. You created humankind happy and holy.
But we rebelled against your loving and just authority believing the lie of Satan that we could be, and would find pleasure in being, autonomous. With all of humankind, I became enslaved to the pursuit of self-advancement. I refused to bow my knee in your offer of love and peace, deciding I could do better on my own. How pitiful and ignorant I can be!
I have seen my rebellion illustrated multiple times in the life of my own young children. I would offer them the help they desperately need only to have them refuse because, in that moment, it is not what they want. Sometimes it was infuriating. Sometimes hilarious. Always pitiful. Am I, in resisting your authority, any wiser than them?
With the gracious gift of a new heart and new life, you have become my greatest treasure. But old patterns and habits fade slowly. And my old ways seem to be most stubborn in my relationship with my children. Now that it is time to let them go, my rebellious heart wants to hold on more tightly.
Remind me again and again of your love for me, Christ’s sacrifice for me, the Holy Spirit’s work in me. Fill my thoughts with truths of your holy and gracious nature. Awaken my imagination of things eternal. May this reminding and filling and awakening cause me to surrender today all that I am, all that I have, all that I do and all who I love, to who you are and what you have for me. May I believe that letting go of my children is a small thing if it means I will have more of you.
I am yours and ever long to worship you.